Get Full on Love While Emptying Your Bank Account!
Cornbread Cleanser—use the scrubbing power of waterground cornmeal to get dirt out of those hard-to-reach places. Use with our patented cornbread sponge, and you’ll ask yourself “Hominy ways do I love the way my face shines?!”
“Kansas City Wrinkle” Anti-Aging Cream—finally, we now know the secret to why “Black don’t crack.” It’s chitlin juice (with fruity overtones added to alleviate the smell)! To accentuate its authenticity, this product comes in a fashionable red pail.
“Meet n’ Three” Perfume—nothing draws a crowd like the smell of smoked meat. Two spritzes of this hickory and pork infused scent and loneliness will be a distant memory.
Okra Shower Gel—we’ve boiled down a peck of okra to its all of its mucilaginous glory. Let all the cares of the world ooze away as you spend hours washing this stuff off.
Red Velvet Lipstick—create the illusion that your mouth is a seductive piece of red velvet cake. With our unique double-point lipstick application, you can simultaneously color your upper lip a cream cheese white and your bottom lip a red-tinged chocolate. Want a change of pace? Rub your lips together to create a strawberry cake look!
When Love Shouldn’t (Almost) Cost A Thing!
Pickled Pig Lip Balm – who needs collagen injections? This comes all the fat & bright colors that you could ever want. You’ll look like you just stepped out of a convenience store in the Mississippi Delta.
Pot Likker Moisturizer – the essence of boiled collard, kale, mustard and turnip greens is mixed with a pork broth for the ultimate in herbal relief. Also available in smoked turkey or vegan flavors.
Red Drank Home Hair Dye Kit – we’ve brought together the power of cherry, strawberry and tropical fruit punch Kool-Aid powders with hibiscus tea and Big Red soda. Your friends will see red!
Sweet Potato Pie Bronzer – get that full, satisfied “I’ve been outside” look and feel. Looking too orange? Use the cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla extract supplements to get more tan color.
Sole Food – we’ve pureed the leftovers from an actual soul food buffet line to create the ultimate moisturizer for rough, leathery feet. Worried about the smell? Well, don’t make that face…you know your feet stank anyway.
Photos by Adrian Miller.
Logos by Athenna Harrison.
Oh, by the way. . . April Fool’s Day!!
One of Reverb’s “favorite Colorado April Fool’s Day jokes” for 2013. Click here for the full article.